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By , on July 2nd, 2010%
How many traits are on your wish lists for your Hero or Heroine? 5? 50? Or, is the only requirement that they be currently breathing?
There are about 100 Million single adults in America. You would have the best probability of finding your Hero or Heroine if you were truly bi-sexual and only required breathing. In that case, all 100 Million could be potential matches for you. Since most of us are heterosexual, all of a sudden we lose 50 Million prospects!
And, I bet you are more picky than just requiring breathing. But do you realize how each trait you require drastically cuts the Universe of prospective prospects?
You do need to understand the arithmetic.
Let me give you an example based on my own search for my Heroine. One of the traits I required was that my Heroine be a non-smoker. By my making that ONE issue of no smokers non-negotiable, I IMMEDIATELY eliminated 23% of American women — a statistically HUGE number of women. HUGE. With just one filter, I knocked out of contention nearly a QUARTER of the women who might have been, otherwise, wonderful and a perfect match for me in every other way.
If I ALSO required that my Heroine be qualified to be a member of Mensa, which by definition is only the top 2% of the population in intelligence, and assuming smoking and intelligence are totally independent variables (which amazingly, inexplicably seems true), then we are down to:
Ideal Heroine Possibilities = 77% X 2% = 1.54%
JUST with those two attributes! With only these two items, I had less than two percent of American women to chose from. (Actually, I only required an IQ of 120 or more). If you add the obvious three filters of age, marital status and geography, this number gets VERY low VERY quickly.
With around 50 items on my personal combined Profound List One and my sexual Profane List Two, and the 10,000 things on my day-in, day-out DIDO List Three, well, I DO need a VERY large Known Universe.
The point of all of this is that you get to control what is critically important to you. In my case, I considered the idea that I had so many requirements that I might not find my own Heroine in this lifetime. In my case, I decided that I would rather wait, alone and as a devout heterosexual, than compromise those things that are important to me.
Fortunately, I found my perfect-for-me Heroine.
How picky are YOU?
Tags: population, intelligence, hero, List <BR/>
By , on July 2nd, 2010%
Or, is it love, monogamy, sex? Or, monogamy, love, sex? Or, love, sex, monogamy? Or, monogamy, sex, love? Or, sex, monogamy, love?
What do you think is the right order of these? Are you sure? Since we are talking about long-term relationships that might last till Happily Ever After, the answer here is NOT sex, sex, sex.
Those are the sex, err six, choices you have with each new relationship. And, how important sex is to each of you will probably affect your ordering and timing of the three issues.
Without a doubt, sex with someone you totally love and adore – with both matching each other’s Profane List Two – is THE best. There is nothing on earth that comes close to it. On a scale of 1 to 10 – it is a 200!
But…
If you are a very sexual person, you will probably want to know from your Hero or Heroine prospect that there is a very close match to virtually all of your own sexual Profane List Two items that you enjoy, need and want. And, if you understand the concepts discussed in the book, Efficient Love, you will also require that you know you match and totally satisfy your Hero or Heroine’s particular needs and wants on their Profane List Two at least as closely.
My research shows that unless there is a VERY close two-way sexual match, you will end up with major conflicts galore, day in and day out.
Imagine, for instance, you have GREAT chemistry with a man who was a wonderful match with everything on both of your Lists One – only to find out, AFTER you had given your heart and fallen in love, that he was boring in bed, or had no interest in your pleasure, or wanted sex only once a month, or gave you sex that only lasted 22 seconds, etc. (modify the picture to deny you whatever may be your own personal, most-needed sexual desires and requirements).
Even though you might love him dearly, and you might try to convince yourself that your sexual needs were less important than the love you shared, it is probably likely that at some point, the relationship would become very incomplete to you – and not be the match you thought had been made in Heaven. Maybe with the love eroding from the resulting friction.
If you are very strongly sexual, it might make a LOT more sense to make sure there is a MUTUAL sexual match from the very beginning of a relationship – before you fell in love.
The Profound List One is the starting point and without an HONEST match there, the rest is irrelevant and probably sex should be avoided – unless you want to get waylaid on purpose.
But, if List One is a great match and the Profane List, the sexual List Two, APPEARS on sheets of paper to be a match – it probably doesn’t make sense to delay sex on sheets of cloth until AFTER you were in love. After all, you need a way to validate the paper version of the Profane List Two to make sure there is no ambiguity. Using LOTS of validation!
So, maybe sex, love, monogamy makes sense as the right order for you, after all. Or, is it sex, monogamy, love?
Bear in mind that there is another thing that will happen with this ordering after you have sex. Some new chemistry WILL come into play in your relationship from all your playing and coming.
Tags: scale, VERY, long term relationships, monogamy, pleasure <BR/>
By , on July 2nd, 2010% Like a diamond, we all have multiple facets that reflect different parts of who we are. Some of us are even brilliant-cut and have 58 facets…..some of us have less…some of us have more. If both you and your prospective lover are both brilliant, then between you, you’re going to have 116 facets of history, wants, wishes and needs to mutually investigate before you even know if you both should take the next relationship step together.
If you were romantically interested in someone, wouldn’t it be nice to have five dates worth of information and relationship foreplay about that person – and in a form that you can read in only 5 minutes – before you ever meet?
Facet Foreplay
If you are single and seriously seeking a mutually perfect match, it is going to be a VERY time consuming effort. Yeah, I know. You heard it here first. And, every possible relationship, no matter how fleeting or casual, takes precious time. If you have already learned the benefits of expanding your Known Universe with online dating sites and other cyber activities, you are probably already bogged down with too many choices.
Do you get tired of repeating both the inane first meeting, real and/or online, chit chat AND re-telling all those prospects the same important parts of your life? So do I. That’s why I developed my own Top Two Dozen Facets List when my Quest was active. I had a private page that listed the top two dozen introductory facets about me that any prospective Heroine should know if we were going to share our path to Happily Ever After together. In five minutes she could have learned more about me than she knew about her last three lovers – combined!
Back then, if you and I were interested in meeting, I would show you my private page and would want to know the two dozen MOST important things I should FIRST know about YOU…and not just the stuff in a “sales brochure”…but even the important, possibly negative, stuff about you that I should know up front if we were to share a path to Happily Ever After together. This would help us both avoid the “Oh, by the way…” kinds of jarring disclosures after one or both hearts get involved – that should have been made up front.
Time IS So Precious
There are several examples of these two dozen topics in my book, Efficient Love. OK. So, it might take you an hour or so to type all this stuff up in Microsoft Word – especially since you should probably have at least a paragraph or two or three about each facet that is important to you. But once you develop your Facet Foreplay List and save it as a file, think how much time it will save you from repeating all this stuff umpteen times! Not to mention all the wasted time you will save from covering all this stuff up front before you invest effort and emotion in a relationship that is an obvious dead-end. Once you have invested the time in typing out your Facet Foreplay List you got it – to email to anyone who is interested in you….or if you are interested in them.
Remember, this Domain is all about Efficient Love…and Facet Foreplay is the obvious place to start. If you think about it, it seems kind of dumb NOT to have this already put together for yourself and to insist on it for all of your prospects, doesn’t it?
Get a copy of Efficient Love and get started today!
Tags: Word, time, first meeting, information, important things <BR/>
By , on July 2nd, 2010% “Momomomonogamy and cococococommitment,” she stuttered during her most current anxiety attack. She stumbled just saying the words – knowing what he wanted as the next step in their relationship.
Yes, I said “she” – because unlike all the movie and TV stereotypes, this dragon is not just male – otherwise, how would it mate and have this species survive and thrive as well as it does?
Most of us envision a path of Happily Here & Now shared with just one person. Most of us relish the idea of complete and unbridled intimacy in a totally monogamous, committed relationship with the one we want to share that path with – all the way to Happily Ever After.
Premature Monogamy
However, to me, the idea of wanting instant monogamy for fast, fast, fast commitment – when you first meet someone – makes zero sense for either party, especially before either the sex or before you know whether there is an excellent match with the Ten Filters described in Efficient Love.
Even with well-defined Lists and fantastic initial chemistry, neither knows the other well enough yet to judge if there is really a close enough match to shut off all involvement with all other Hero or Heroine prospects.
Premature monogamy can be a lot like premature ejaculation – both could interfere with having a VERY Happily Here & Now!
Often, this particular dragon may try to seduce you into premature monogamy using a variety of tricks, knowing that if he can get you hooked up with the wrong person, he will have successfully waylaid you once again – probably again for months or longer.
Since monogamy is, well, so monogamous, most will by definition shut off all considerations of any others who might match your Quest. So if you really did get hooked up with the wrong person, you would end up traipsing down a path to yet another dead-end and another inevitable Cycle through the Nine Stages.
You have already learned that if there is not a close match on all the important stuff, both ways, the relationship becomes filled with ticking time bombs hidden in every ignored nook and every mismatched cranny – until one or the other of you, or both, become so fed up with needs and wants and wishes not being met. Eventually, finally, something triggers a detonation – causing one of those time bombs to quietly or noisily explode from one or both having to compromise much too often.
The Ten Filters
Obviously, the closer the matches, the fewer the compromises and the less chance of needs not being met – and the increased likelihood that both will want the same things, at the same levels. And the more likely there will be Happily Here & Now for both, day in and day out – on your way to Happily Ever After together.
The problem is that you can’t know that immediately – no matter how great the chemistry is. How many times in your past have you prematurely started up in a monogamous relationship just because the chemistry was so great? Great chemistry is necessary – but it is NOT sufficient for even Happily Here & Now.
Hopefully, if you have read this far, you understand how most everything has got to match first. And until you know that, monogamy probably doesn’t make sense. Want to know more about the Ten Filters? Read the details in Efficient Love – before you consider monogamy again.
Tags: Stages, ejaculation, time <BR/>
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