“Momomomonogamy and cococococommitment,” she stuttered during her most current anxiety attack. She stumbled just saying the words – knowing what he wanted as the next step in their relationship.

Yes, I said “she” – because unlike all the movie and TV stereotypes, this dragon is not just male – otherwise, how would it mate and have this species survive and thrive as well as it does?

Most of us envision a path of Happily Here & Now shared with just one person. Most of us relish the idea of complete and unbridled intimacy in a totally monogamous, committed relationship with the one we want to share that path with – all the way to Happily Ever After.

Premature Monogamy

However, to me, the idea of wanting instant monogamy for fast, fast, fast commitment – when you first meet someone – makes zero sense for either party, especially before either the sex or before you know whether there is an excellent match with the Ten Filters described in Efficient Love.

Even with well-defined Lists and fantastic initial chemistry, neither knows the other well enough yet to judge if there is really a close enough match to shut off all involvement with all other Hero or Heroine prospects.

Premature monogamy can be a lot like premature ejaculation – both could interfere with having a VERY Happily Here & Now!

Often, this particular dragon may try to seduce you into premature monogamy using a variety of tricks, knowing that if he can get you hooked up with the wrong person, he will have successfully waylaid you once again – probably again for months or longer.

Since monogamy is, well, so monogamous, most will by definition shut off all considerations of any others who might match your Quest. So if you really did get hooked up with the wrong person, you would end up traipsing down a path to yet another dead-end and another inevitable Cycle through the Nine Stages.

You have already learned that if there is not a close match on all the important stuff, both ways, the relationship becomes filled with ticking time bombs hidden in every ignored nook and every mismatched cranny – until one or the other of you, or both, become so fed up with needs and wants and wishes not being met. Eventually, finally, something triggers a detonation – causing one of those time bombs to quietly or noisily explode from one or both having to compromise much too often.

The Ten Filters

Obviously, the closer the matches, the fewer the compromises and the less chance of needs not being met – and the increased likelihood that both will want the same things, at the same levels. And the more likely there will be Happily Here & Now for both, day in and day out – on your way to Happily Ever After together.

The problem is that you can’t know that immediately – no matter how great the chemistry is. How many times in your past have you prematurely started up in a monogamous relationship just because the chemistry was so great? Great chemistry is necessary – but it is NOT sufficient for even Happily Here & Now.

Hopefully, if you have read this far, you understand how most everything has got to match first. And until you know that, monogamy probably doesn’t make sense. Want to know more about the Ten Filters? Read the details in Efficient Love – before you consider monogamy again.