|
By , on July 2nd, 2010%
How many traits are on your wish lists for your Hero or Heroine? 5? 50? Or, is the only requirement that they be currently breathing?
There are about 100 Million single adults in America. You would have the best probability of finding your Hero or Heroine if you were truly bi-sexual and only required breathing. In that case, all 100 Million could be potential matches for you. Since most of us are heterosexual, all of a sudden we lose 50 Million prospects!
And, I bet you are more picky than just requiring breathing. But do you realize how each trait you require drastically cuts the Universe of prospective prospects?
You do need to understand the arithmetic.
Let me give you an example based on my own search for my Heroine. One of the traits I required was that my Heroine be a non-smoker. By my making that ONE issue of no smokers non-negotiable, I IMMEDIATELY eliminated 23% of American women — a statistically HUGE number of women. HUGE. With just one filter, I knocked out of contention nearly a QUARTER of the women who might have been, otherwise, wonderful and a perfect match for me in every other way.
If I ALSO required that my Heroine be qualified to be a member of Mensa, which by definition is only the top 2% of the population in intelligence, and assuming smoking and intelligence are totally independent variables (which amazingly, inexplicably seems true), then we are down to:
Ideal Heroine Possibilities = 77% X 2% = 1.54%
JUST with those two attributes! With only these two items, I had less than two percent of American women to chose from. (Actually, I only required an IQ of 120 or more). If you add the obvious three filters of age, marital status and geography, this number gets VERY low VERY quickly.
With around 50 items on my personal combined Profound List One and my sexual Profane List Two, and the 10,000 things on my day-in, day-out DIDO List Three, well, I DO need a VERY large Known Universe.
The point of all of this is that you get to control what is critically important to you. In my case, I considered the idea that I had so many requirements that I might not find my own Heroine in this lifetime. In my case, I decided that I would rather wait, alone and as a devout heterosexual, than compromise those things that are important to me.
Fortunately, I found my perfect-for-me Heroine.
How picky are YOU?
Tags: marital status, percent, lifetime, Million <BR/>
By , on July 2nd, 2010%
Regrettably, this is a way too-often seen dragon that keeps many from even trying to find their own Happily Here & Now path to Happily Ever After.
For what seems like a multitude of reasons, many simply don’t think they have the right to choose their own destiny. Approval by parents, spouses (both far past and most recent past), business associates, even friends often seem to be a prerequisite requirement for some folks to decide what they should want in their own personal lives and how they should get it.
This isn’t said in any demeaning way – we are all a product of our own unique history – and the history of many seems to have caused them to come to the erroneous conclusion years ago that someone else’s approval was still necessary for them.
- Hint: If you are old enough to vote, and have already left home to face the World, then YOU have every right to decide, for yourself and for your own reasons, every decision in life – without needing anyone else’s permission. It is as simple as that – and everything else, from this day forward, is just an excuse for not taking control of your own life.
- Second Hint: No decision is also a decision – don’t let apathy be the dragon that guides you on your life path. It is almost certain that the path of apathy will neither be the path of Happily Here & Now nor one that will ever lead to Happily Ever After.
Consider it hereby proclaimed forever, as of now, that YOU have your OWN unconditional, unlimited permission to develop every single item on all Three Lists exactly the way you really want.
You have the sole right to decide every trait that is truly important to you in your own Hero or Heroine – and what you want them to be like Profoundly, Profanely and exactly how you want your own DIDO.
You don’t have to justify even a single entry to anyone else in the World. No one. You get to fully and completely determine exactly what Happily Here & Now path you want to take to reach your version of Happily Ever After.
All it takes to slay this particular varmint is coming to this same conclusion. Period.
And, poof, this magic dragon is history!
Excerpt from “Efficient Love.” Copyright © 2003-2008 Robert Goodman.
All rights reserved. Used by expressed, written permission of author.
Tags: heroine, excuse, conclusion, own destiny, business associates, hero, apathy <BR/>
By , on July 2nd, 2010% Bear in mind that a lot of the complications of finding both Happily Here & Now and Happily Ever After have to do with the arithmetic of relationship dynamics. For example, with two people, you have two relationships to take into account – you with them and them with you.
If there are three people in a relationship – you, them and one child – then there are SIX relationships in the dynamics – or TRIPLE the possible relationship complication potential of just a two-person couple.
With two kids and two adults, the number jumps to TWELVE relationships – all trying to co-exist Happily Here & Now in the same castle. A formidable task, huh?
And all that arithmetic just assumes the living-together nuclear family. Imagine the number of relationships involved when you count everyone in the extended family – including all the other family members and ex-spouses who are actively involved!
Scary, huh?
It doesn’t have to be. None of these dragons have to win. Doesn’t it make sense, fairly early in the relationship, for you both to discuss every possible issue so you can flush out any major deal-killers as quickly as possible?
Family factors and issues, and especially at-home kid considerations, can generate some very hard questions that will significantly impact your DIDO…Your day in and day out life with your Hero or Heroine. All of these issues need to be dealt with openly with every ounce of honesty in both your hearts — taking into consideration every relationship that will add to your own expected arithmetic.
If you don’t do the math now, some of these dragons might end up attacking just when you thought you saw Happily Ever After on the horizon.
Tags: example, day, number, heroine <BR/>
By , on July 2nd, 2010% Or, is it love, monogamy, sex? Or, monogamy, love, sex? Or, love, sex, monogamy? Or, monogamy, sex, love? Or, sex, monogamy, love?
What do you think is the right order of these? Are you sure? Since we are talking about long-term relationships that might last till Happily Ever After, the answer here is NOT sex, sex, sex.
Those are the sex, err six, choices you have with each new relationship. And, how important sex is to each of you will probably affect your ordering and timing of the three issues.
Without a doubt, sex with someone you totally love and adore – with both matching each other’s Profane List Two – is THE best. There is nothing on earth that comes close to it. On a scale of 1 to 10 – it is a 200!
But…
If you are a very sexual person, you will probably want to know from your Hero or Heroine prospect that there is a very close match to virtually all of your own sexual Profane List Two items that you enjoy, need and want. And, if you understand the concepts discussed in the book, Efficient Love, you will also require that you know you match and totally satisfy your Hero or Heroine’s particular needs and wants on their Profane List Two at least as closely.
My research shows that unless there is a VERY close two-way sexual match, you will end up with major conflicts galore, day in and day out.
Imagine, for instance, you have GREAT chemistry with a man who was a wonderful match with everything on both of your Lists One – only to find out, AFTER you had given your heart and fallen in love, that he was boring in bed, or had no interest in your pleasure, or wanted sex only once a month, or gave you sex that only lasted 22 seconds, etc. (modify the picture to deny you whatever may be your own personal, most-needed sexual desires and requirements).
Even though you might love him dearly, and you might try to convince yourself that your sexual needs were less important than the love you shared, it is probably likely that at some point, the relationship would become very incomplete to you – and not be the match you thought had been made in Heaven. Maybe with the love eroding from the resulting friction.
If you are very strongly sexual, it might make a LOT more sense to make sure there is a MUTUAL sexual match from the very beginning of a relationship – before you fell in love.
The Profound List One is the starting point and without an HONEST match there, the rest is irrelevant and probably sex should be avoided – unless you want to get waylaid on purpose.
But, if List One is a great match and the Profane List, the sexual List Two, APPEARS on sheets of paper to be a match – it probably doesn’t make sense to delay sex on sheets of cloth until AFTER you were in love. After all, you need a way to validate the paper version of the Profane List Two to make sure there is no ambiguity. Using LOTS of validation!
So, maybe sex, love, monogamy makes sense as the right order for you, after all. Or, is it sex, monogamy, love?
Bear in mind that there is another thing that will happen with this ordering after you have sex. Some new chemistry WILL come into play in your relationship from all your playing and coming.
Tags: match, day, paper <BR/>
By , on July 2nd, 2010% This is probably the one dragon you already know all too well because it is one of the most common, showing up repeatedly on almost everyone’s path.
Like Sirens, you will have dragons of Loneliness or Horniness or Great Chemistryness, or whatever, softly singing for you to give up your Quest – doing all in their power to get you off course – so you once again settle for less.
Sometimes, when it’s been too long since even a nice Happily Here & Now, it is hard not to fall prey to this dragon – just so you have some of what you seek.
Sometimes, when the loneliness or the craving for any kind of intimacy or even the jungle desire for raw sex becomes overpowering and you finally find even a glimmer of mutual chemistry with someone, the song of this dragon can seem almost impossible to resist – even when you know the path he is leading you on isn’t going to be good enough for even a mediocre Happily Here & Now.
Sometimes, it will just be rip-roaring, overpowering, knock-your-socks-and-thigh-highs-off chemistry that smacks you up the side of the head and makes you forget about everything else in life – including your Quest. Sometimes, the chemistry is so strong, you will swear it really must be love at first sight and say to hell with any issue or logic that might want to get in the way.
Sometimes, you’ll discover that what once was a true Happily Here & Now for you has also turned into a path to nowhere – when one or both of you discover the really hard parts of your Quest – when one or both of you realize that you are not going to accompany one another to your now-realized different Happily Ever After destinations.
Sometimes, maybe after a divorce or a breakup, you decide to hell with your Quest for a while and seek out the Waylaid Dragon on purpose because the last thing you want at that time is to be locked back into any kind of committed relationship – deciding instead to just play for a while and have fun. Deciding instead to be like a kid in a candy store with the goal of taste-testing everything that even looks delectable.
Of course, the problem with any of these reasons for choosing a dead-end path, with the Waylaid Dragon tagging along behind you, is that, by definition, you are not going to be on the path of Happily Here & Now that will ever lead you to Happily Ever After. So whatever time you spend on the detour will cause you at least an equal amount of lost time, and maybe more, in finding the Soulmate you seek.
Plus, you will never know what near-perfect Hero or Heroine you might have just missed because of that detour.
The best weapons against this dragon will be your Lists, so you at least know what you are giving up, or postponing, as a result of being waylaid. Other than that, good luck.
Just know that this is the kind of dragon that will probably most successfully waste the MOST of your time and keep you from your primary Quest.
Tags: store, power, purpose, Loneliness <BR/>
|
Don’t Waste Another Sunset! Click the book cover to find out more about my latest book on Efficient Love - Now in both paperback and eBook editions.
Click YES! I Want The Paperback to get your own Efficient Love paperback edition from Amazon.
Paperback edition of book in stock and now IMMEDIATELY available from Amazon.
Also available from Barnes and Noble and most bookstores for only $19.97!
If it's not in stock at your local bookstore have them order: ISBN # 978-0-9792952-0-1
Click YES! I Want The eBook in the next five minutes as an eBook - with a 60 day risk free guarantee.
|
